When I stand before God at the end of my life,
I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say,
"I used everything You gave me."
~Erma Bombeck

October 11, 2010

Mondays with Mom - Saying goodbye...

One year ago today....

Hospice was finally able to get my mother comfortable. She was sleeping most of the time. I knew we were drawing even closer to her leaving this body that had tormented her for a lifetime and even more so in the last year. I sat by the bed while she slept. I kept wondering what I would say if she woke up, but I realized I had already said all there was to say. I had thanked her for everything I could possibly thank her for and told her with words that could only convey maybe an iota of how much I loved her that she was the best mother ever. And so, I just held her hand. She was slipping away. She didn't look at all like the woman that raised me. She was beautiful though. Such a peace and acceptance of what was happening. I remember in those final days how she would look at me when I cried and tell me, "Don't cry Lanie, it's okay."

At a little after 3 o'clock that day. The airport shuttle came to pick me up. I can still see the scene and feel the emotion as I stood at the foot of her bed knowing I had to say goodbye for the last time. I walk toward the head of the bed, then back to the foot, then up to the head... pacing. My sister stood by and watched me struggle with myself. "I can't do this... yes, I can... no I can't..." Finally, when I knew I couldn't stay any longer. I walked up, kissed her forehead, squeezed her hand and said, "I love you Mama" one last time...

3 comments:

  1. beautiful. I wish I could have had that with my Dad.

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  2. How incredibly touching. You brought tears to my eyes. I remember a similar scene with my dad.

    (((Hugs)))

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