When I stand before God at the end of my life,
I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say,
"I used everything You gave me."
~Erma Bombeck

September 6, 2011

Imagining a phone call to my Mama on her 63rd birthday...

Sweet Mama, today would be your 63rd birthday. If I could give you a birthday call, I imagine it would go something like this...

It would start with you picking up the phone and Katie and Nikki and I singing a rousing round of Happy Birthday with the extra cha, cha, cha! flourish at the end of each  sentence.

I would lament to you how hard this pregnancy has been on me emotionally and physically being 40 years old and how scared of a third c-section I am and you would comfort me, reminding me of how the doctors didn't want you to deliver my little sister because your life and maybe even hers could be lost in the process and you did it anyway. I would thank you for that because now I have Mika for a sister.

Then you would talk about how great little boys are and how much fun Justin was and how awesome it will be to hold little man in my arms and we would count our blessings. You always told me girls were wonderful, but there was something really special about a little boy.

I might cry a little when I tell you how much I wish you could be here with me to share in the first weeks with the baby, just as you did with Katie and Nikki. But I'd tell you, I think I am covered as far as help goes. Of course, they can never replace you.

I would tell you how great it would be to sit at the kitchen table and paint with you again. I have learned so much in the couple of years since you have been gone and I think we would finally launch that little art business we always talked about.

We would talk about how much the girls are growing and changing everyday. How talented artistically Katie is (she got it from you) or how witty Nikki can be. I would share with you my concerns about raising girls and you would share with me stories of Mika and myself when we were growing up and then tell me that raising a boy will be easier.

In general, I would tell you how much I really do miss you and love you and that there will forever be a hole in my heart that will never be replaced. Thank you once again for being my Mom, confidante and best friend over the years.



  1. Lanie, I can relate. Wishing you happy thoughts about your mom on her birthday. Perhaps you could find a pocket of time to paint today.

  2. So beautiful, and I have a feeling your mom has seen this. :)